1.A Little Green Rosetta
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (lead vocals)
Peter wolf (keyboards)
Arthur barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed mann (percussion)
Vinnie colaiuta (drums)
Central scrutinizer：
A little green rosetta
A little green rosetta
A little green rosetta
A little green rosetta
You'll make
A muffin betta
With a green rosetta
A little green rosetta
A tiny green rosetta
A green rosetta
A little green rosetta
A little green rosetta
A tiny green rosetta
You'll make
A muffin really betta
It's betta
It's really getting betta
It's betta, it's betta
With a green rosetta
Setta, setta
And a green rositti, too
Green rositti
A little green rositti
It's really, really meaty
A little green rositti
You'll make
A muffin really betta
It's betta
(hey, really out
There...that was
Really good)
It's really getting betta
It's betta, it's betta
With a green rosetta
Setta, setta
(good god, give the
Drummer some)
Green rosetta
A little green rosetta
A little green rosetta
A little green rosetta
(setta, setta, setta,
Etc....)
(make a muffin, make
A muffin, make a muffin,
Make a muffin betta,
Make a muffin betta,
Etc....)
With a green rosetta
A little green rosetta
You'll make a muffin betta
(etc....)
Good god! you're
Really jammin'! now
The reggae version,
Hey, for the people in
The third world...
We haven't forgotten
Anybody on this
Song...for all of you
French people...who
Think that you're outta
Sight...and for the
People in spain...who
Think the french
People are where it's
At...and for the people
In mongolia who
Always wanted to go to
Spain for a vacation...
And for those of you in
Taiwan who got
Chumped, this chorus
Is for you： (rang tang
Ding dong, i am the
Japanese sandman...
Take eight...)
Green rosetta
A green rosetta
A little green rosetta
(against the reggae
Beat, though...
No, it's still reggae,
But it's all backwards)
A little green rosetta
A little green rosetta
A little green rosetta
You'll make
A muffin betta
A little green rosetta
(etc., etc., etc...)
Now you see, some
Places in the third
World it might be
Difficult to dance to
This because the
Kerosene record player
Is not a very efficient
Device...and a lot of
Times they run out of,
They run out of spunk
Right in the middle of
The chorus...causing
The song to sound like
This...
A little green rosetta
However we continue
In spite of the fact that
The fuel may be low on
Your record player. we
Suggest that in places
In the fourth world
Where things are really
Tough that you keep
The record player
Going by rubbing two
Sticks together. and if
All else fails, throw the
Record away...build
Your own green
Rosetta...try this
Recipe： we'll start with
A lump of grass...the
Grass bone connected
To the ankle bone...the
Knee bone connected
To the wishbone...and
Then everybody moves
To new york and goes
To a party with
Warren. hey!
And we've flown in, at
Great expense, (triple
Scale, no less, ladies
And gentlemen), steve
Gad's clone to play the
Out-chorus on this
Song...he's really outa-
Site, in spite of the fact
That the click track is
Totally irrelevant to
What he's doing right now.
I'm listening to the
Click, yes i'm suffering
With the click track
Right now...this guy is
Totally out of sync with
It, but what the fuck.
Ed mann will call him
Up later, show him the
Sign. okay vinnie,
Where is five？
They're pretty good
Musicians
They're pretty good
Musicians
They're pretty good
Musicians
(the singer's not too
Good, but the musicians
Are pretty good)
They're pretty good
Musicians
They're pretty good
Musicians
They're pretty good
Musicians
They're pretty good
Musicians
But it don't make no
Difference
If they're good
Musicians
Because anybody who
Would buy this record
Doesn't give a fuck if
There's good musicians
On it
Because this is a
Stupid song
And that's the
Way i like it
A little green rosetta
Hey!
A little green rosetta
A little green rosetta
A little green rosetta
You make
A muffin betta
With a green rosetta
A little green rosetta
Rosetta, rosetta
Rosetta
(etc., etc., etc....)
Al malkin：
Zetta...
2.A Token Of My Extreme
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (lead vocals)
Peter wolf (keyboards)
Arthur barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed mann (percussion)
Vinnie colaiuta (drums)
Arriving at l. ron hoover's modernistic office ／ cathedral ／
warehouse ／ condominium complex, joe is greeted by a
pre-recorded message and a dramatically illuminated image on a
wall-sized tv scr
.
L. ron hoover：
Welcome to the first church of appliantology! the white zone is
for loading and unloading only!
Don't you be tarot-fied
It's just a token
Of my extreme
Don't you be tarot-fied
It's just a token
Of my extreme
Don't you never try to
Look behind my eyes
You don't wanna know
What they have seen
Don't you never try to
Look behind my eyes
You don't wanna know
What they have seen
Joe： (thinking to himself)
Some people think
That if they go too far
They'll never get back
To where the rest of
Them are
I might be crazy
But there's one thing
I know
You might be surprised
At what you find
When ya go!
And thus, having ration- alized his expedition to l. ron's
modernistic office ／ cathedral ／ warehouse ／ condominium
complex, joe seeks the answer to his problem...
Joe：
Oh oh oh
Mystical advisor
What is my problem,
Tell me
Can you see？
L. ron hoover：
Well, you have nothing
To fear, my son!
You are a latent
Appliance fetishist,
It appears to me!
Joe：
That all seems very,
Very strange
I never craved
A toaster
Or a color t.v.
L. ron hoover：
A latent appliance
Fetishist
Is a person who
Refuses to admit
To his or herself
That sexual
Gratification can
Only be achieved
Through the use of
Machines...
Get the picture？
Joe：
Are you telling me
I should come out
Of the closet now
Mr. ron？
L. ron hoover：
No, my son!
You must go into
The closet
Joe：
What？
L. ron hoover：
And you will have
Joe：
Heh？
L. ron hoover：
Hey!
A lot of fun!
That's where
They all live
So if you want an
Appliance to love you
You'll have to
Go in there
'n' get you one
Joe：
Well...that seems
Simple enough...
L. ron hoover：
Yes, but if you want a
Really good one,
You'll have to learn a
Foreign language...
Joe：
German, for instance？
L. ron hoover：
That's right...
A lot of really cute
Ones come from
Over there!
(fifty bucks, please)
And a cheerful group of
Appliantologists dance
Into the room wearing
Aluminum foil lab smocks,
Lock arms in a circle
Around joe, making sure
He pays in full, all the
While singing with l. ron
As he delivers his final
Instructions...
L. ron hoover：
If you been
Mod-o-fied,
It's an illusion,
An yer in between
Don't you be
Tarot-fied,
It's just a lot of nothin',
So what can it mean？
If you been
Mod-o-fied,
It's an illusion,
An yer in between
Don't you be
Tarot-fied,
It's just a lot of nothin',
So what can it mean？
If you been
Mod-o-fied,
It's an illusion,
An yer in between...
3.Catholic Girls
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (lead vocals)
Peter wolf (keyboards)
Tommy mars (keyboards)
Arthur barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed mann (percussion)
Vinnie colaiuta (drums)
Jeff (tenor saxophone)
Marginal chagrin (baritone saxophone)
Stumuk (bass saxophone)
Dale bozzio (vocals)
Al malkin (vocals)
Craig steward (harmonica)
A festive cyo party with crepe paper streamers, contestants for
the broom dance, the 'hokey pokey,' baked goods, ＆ father riley
making sure the lights don't go down too low...
Father riley and various party goers：
Catholic girls
With a tiny little mustache
Catholic girls
Do you know how they go？
Catholic girls
In the rectory basement
Father riley's a fairy
But it don't bother mary
Catholic girls
At the cyo
Catholic girls
Do you know how they go？
Catholic girls
There can be no replacement
How do they go, after the show？
Joe：
All the way
That's the way they go
Every day
And none of their mamas ever seem to know
Hip-hip-hooray
For all the class they show
There's nothing like a catholic girl
At the cyo
When they learn to blow...
Father riley：
They're learning to blow
All the catholic boys!
Mary：
Warren cuccurullo...
Father riley：
Catholic boys!
Mary：
Kinda young, kinda wow!
Father riley：
Catholic boys!
Mary：
Vinnie colaiuta...
Chorus：
Where are they now？
Did they all take the vow？
Father riley：
Catholic girls
Warren：
Carmenita scarfone!
Father riley：
Catholic girls
Officer butzis：
Hey! she gave me vd!
Father riley：
Catholic girls!
Warren：
Toni carbone!
Chorus：
With a tongue like a cow
She could make you go wow!
Joe：
Vd vowdy vootie
Right away
That's the way they go
Every day
Whenever their mamas take them to a show
Matinee
Pass the popcorn please
There's nothing like a catholic girl
With her hand in the box
When she's on her knees
Larry：
She was on her knees,
My little catholic girl
Chorus：
In a little white dress
Catholic girls
They never confess
Catholic girls
I got one for a cousin
I love how they go
So send me a dozen
Catholic girls
Ooooooh!
Catholic girls
Ooooooh!
(etc.)
Central scrutinizer：
This is the central scrutinizer...
Joe had a girl friend named mary.
She used to go the church club every week.
They'd meet each other there
Hold hands
And think pure thoughts
But one night at the social club meeting
Mary didn't show up...
She was sucking cock backstage at the armory
In order to get a pass
To see some big rock group for free...
4.Crew Slut
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (lead vocals)
Peter wolf (keyboards)
Tommy mars (keyboards)
Arthur barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed mann (percussion)
Vinnie colaiuta (drums)
Jeff (tenor saxophone)
Marginal chagrin (baritone saxophone)
Stumuk (bass saxophone)
Dale bozzio (vocals)
Al malkin (vocals)
Craig steward (harmonica)
Backstage at the local armory, mary, in her little white dress,
is wiping the remnants of her performance off the side of her
mouth as larry (the guy from the garage who quit the band in
order t
E an honest living) zips up the front of his stinking boiler
suit and sings to the same teen-age girls who were stomping and
clapping a little while ago, as they kneel with their little
pink mou
Pen near the crew bus, hoping to save the price of admission by
performing acts of hooverism on the jolly lads who set up the
p.a. system.
Larry：
Hey hey hey all you girls in these
Industrial towns
I know you're prob'ly gettin' tired
Of all the local clowns
They never give you no respect
They never treat you nice
So perhaps you oughta try
A little friendly advice
And be a crew slut
Hey, you'll love it
Be a crew slut
It's a way of life
Be a crew slut
See the world
Don't make a fuss, just get on the bus
Crew slut
Add water makes its own sauce
Be a crew slut
So you don't forget, call before midnite tonite
The boys in the crew
Are just waiting for you
You never to get move around
You never go nowhere
I know yer prob'ly gettin' tired
Of all the guys out there
You always wondered what it's like
To go from place to place
So, darlin', take a little ride
On the mixer's face
Be a crew slut
Just follow the magic footprints
Be a crew slut
Hey, you'll love it!
Be a crew slut
It's a way of life
I ain't gonna squash it
And you don't need to wash it!
Crew slut
Hey, i'll buy you a pizza
Crew slut
Of course i'll introduce you to warren
The boys in the crew
Are only waiting for you
At this point, the road crew, as all road crews must from time
to time, borrow some of the big rock group's equipment and have
a blues jam session, indicating to the kneeling maidens that
they a
Dowed with a great deal of raw talent, as well as massive meat.
obviously impressed with larry's ability to suck so hard on his
harmonica that screeching little noises come out of it, mary
kneel
In and reaches upward in gestures of supplication, listening
intently as larry continues to sing...
Larry：
Well you been to alabama, girl,
'n' georgia too
'n' all the boys in the crew
Is bein' good to you
I know yer sayin' to yourself
'this is the way to go'
'cause when you need a little extra
They will give you some mo'
'cause you're the crew slut
Mary：
Eh, hah ha, i'm into leather...
Larry：
That's good! a lot of the boys in the crew love leather...
Mary：
And rubber...
Larry：
Yeh, they like rubber too...shrink-tubing
With a hair dryer...
Road crew chorus：
Trade your spot on the bench
For a guy with a wrench
And be a...
Mary：
Ha ha ha...
Larry：
You like that, huh？
I told you you'd love it...
It's a way of life!
Road crew chorus：
The guys in the crew
Have got a present for you!
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Mary：
A present for me？
Road crew chorus：
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Larry：
Hmmm, we got a present for you!
Road crew chorus：
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Mary：
Whaddya got？
Road crew chorus：
Ren nah naaah
Mary：
Whaddya gonna give me？
Road crew chorus：
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Larry：
It looks just like a telefunken u-47
You'll love it...
Mary：
With leather？
Central scrutinizer：
Eh errr, eh eh...this is,eh, the central scrutinizer again...
And so mary was enticed away from joe
By an evil barbarian with a wrench in his pocket
Lured into a life of sleazery
With the entire road crew of some
Famous rock group
(i don't know whether it was really toad-o or not
...i don't know... i'll check it out)
Again we see
Music
Causing
Big trouble!
5.Dong Work For Yuda
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (lead vocals)
Peter wolf (keyboards)
Arthur barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed mann (percussion)
Vinnie colaiuta (drums)
Central scrutinizer：
Hello there...this is the central scrutinizer... joe was sent to
a special prison where they keep all the other criminals from
the music business...you know...the ones who get caught...it's a
ho
E place, painted all green on the inside, where musicians and
former executives take turns snorting detergent and plooking
each other...
(as the central scrutinizer chuckles to himself for a moment,
father riley, who became buddy jones, steps into view in his new
identity： father riley b. jones, prison chaplain, who, in a
rather
-handed piece of imagery, is now entrusted with the job of
singing this song as he assists the captured executives in their
quest for new meat to plook, and, once having found these
victims for
Rinces of the industry, trades them little blobs of sanctified
lubricant jelly for cigarettes and candy bars while he holds
them down so the execs won't have to work too hard when they
stick it
...anyway, listen, while he's in there he meets this guy who
used to be a promo man for a major record company, named
bald-headed john... king of the plookers...
Father riley b. jones：
This is the story 'bout
Bald-headed john
Former execs：
Dong work for yuda,
Dong, dong
Father riley b. jones：
He talks a lot 'n' it's
Usually wrong
Former execs：
Dong work for yuda,
Dong, dong
Father riley b. jones：
He said dong
Was wong,
'n wong was kong
'n dong work for
Yuda,
'n john was wrong
Former execs：
Sorry john
Sorry better
Try it again
Dong work for yuda
Dong, dong
Sorry john
Sorry better
Try it again
He said dong
Was wong
And wong was kong
And dong was gong
'n john was wrong
Father riley b. jones：
John's got a sausage
Yeh man
John's got a sausage
Yeh man
John's got a sausage
That'll make you fart
John's got a sausage
That'll break
Your heart
Make you fart
And break your heart
Don't bend over
If you are smart
He took a little walk
To the weenie stand
John's got a sausage
Yeh man
A great big weenie
In both his hands
John's got a sausage
Yeh man
He sucked on the end
'til the mustard squirt
He said, 'ya'll stand
Back 'cause you
Might get hurt'
Former execs：
Sorry john
Sorry better
Try it again
John's got a sausage
Yeh man
Sorry john
Sorry better
Try it again
He said dong
Was wong
Wong was kong
Kong was gong
'n john was wrong
Sorry john
Sorry better
Try it again
Bald-headed john：
Make way for the
Iron shaschige
Former execs：
Sorry john
Sorry better
Try it again
Bald-headed john：
I need a dozen towels
So the boys can take
A shower
Former execs：
Sorry john
Sorry better
Try it again
Bald-headed john：
Bartender, bring me
A colada and milk
Former execs：
Sorry john
Sorry better
Try it again
Bald-headed john：
Well, on second thought,
Make that a water...
Hto
Former execs：
Sorry john
Sorry better
Try it again
Bald-headed john：
Falcum...
Take me to the falcum!
Former execs：
Sorry john
Sorry better
Try it again
Bald-headed john：
I wave my bags
Did you wave your'n
Former execs：
Sorry john
Sorry better
Try it again
Bald-headed john：
Well how much
Did they wave？
Former execs：
Sorry john
Sorry better
Try it again
Bald-headed john：
Ah'm almost two
Kilometers tall
Former execs：
Sorry john
Sorry better
Try it again
Bald-headed john：
This girl must be
Praketing richcraft
Former execs：
Sorry john
Sorry better
Try it again
Bald-headed john：
Don't worry about
The faggot
I'll take care of
The faggot
Former execs：
Sorry john
Sorry better
Try it again
Try it again,
Try it again
Try, try, try again...
Etc., etc., etc.
Bald-headed john：
Your pomona is
Very extinct...
Yeah, i studied with
The dong of tokyo
'n also with the
Oriental kato...
My body contain
Uh water
I just loves the way
These copenhagens
Talks!
Driver, mcdoodle...
Sausage
Salima
Salami
That looks like that
Stuff that freckles
Lets out
Once a mumfth...
6.He Used To Cut The Grass
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (lead vocals)
Peter wolf (keyboards)
Arthur barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed mann (percussion)
Vinnie colaiuta (drums)
Joe： (to himself as he walks out of prison)
I'm out at last
Boy, the world
Sure looks different
Wow...there's hardly
Anything fun to do
Since they made
Music illegal
But i'm hooked
I got the habit
I've got to have it
I need to play
But there's no
Musicians anymore
They're all gone
Wait! i've got it!
I'll be sullen and
Withdrawn
I'll dwindle off into
The twilight realm
Of my own secret
Thoughts
I'll walk through
The parking lot
In a semi-
Catatonic state
And dream of
Guitar notes
To go with the
Loading-zone
Announcements.
Joe wanders through the world which by then has been totally
epoxied over, carefully organized, with everyone reporting daily
to his or her appointed place in a line somewhere in front of a
wind
Mewhere in a building somewhere in order to collect his or her
welfare check, which, when cashed, made it possible for the
young ones to continue the payments for the obsolete and
irreparable ap
Ces their parents had purchased on the instalment plan years
ago, providing as security the future incomes of their children.
the rest of these checks were used by the young recipients to
buy fu
Ngs of their own on credit, most of which broke down or failed
within moments of purchase and seemed to be stacking up
everywhere.
Central scrutinizer：
This is the central
Scrutinizer
The white zone
Is for loading and
Unloading only.
If you have to load or
Unload, go to the
White zone.
You'll love it.
It's a way of life.
This is the central
Scrutinizer
The white zone
Is for loading and
Unloading only.
If you have to load or
Unload, go to the
White zone.
You'll love it.
It's a way of life.
This is the central
Scrutinizer
The white zone
Is for loading and
Unloading only.
If you have to load or
Unload...
As joe stumbles over mounds of dead consumer goods formed into
abstract statues dedicated to the quality of american
craftsmanship, dreaming his stupid little guitar notes, he
hears, somewhere i
Back of his head, the voice of mrs. borg, taunting him：
Mrs. borg's voice：
Turn it down!
Turn it down!
I have children
Sleeping here!
Don't you boys know
Any nice songs？
I'm calling the police!
I did it!
They'll be here...
Shortly!
I'm not joking around
Anymore!
You'll see now!
There they are...
They're coming!
Listen to that mess,
Would you!
Every day this goes on
Around here!
He used to
Cut my grass...
He was a
Very nice boy...
He used to
Cut my grass...
He was a
Very nice boy...
He used to
Cut my grass...
He was a
Very nice boy...
He used to
Cut my grass...
He was a
Very nice boy...
Central scrutinizer：
This is the central scrutinizer... yes...he used to be a nice
boy...he used to cut the grass...but now his mind is totally
destroyed by music. he's so crazy now he even believes that
people are
Ng articles and reviews about his imaginary guitar notes, and
so, continuing to dwindle in the twilight realm of his own
secret thoughts, he not only dreams imaginary guitar notes, but,
to make
Rs worse, dreams imaginary vocal parts to a song about the
imaginary journalistic profession...
7.Joe's Garage
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (lead vocals)
Peter wolf (keyboards)
Tommy mars (keyboards)
Arthur barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed mann (percussion)
Vinnie colaiuta (drums)
Jeff (tenor saxophone)
Marginal chagrin (baritone saxophone)
Stumuk (bass saxophone)
Dale bozzio (vocals)
Al malkin (vocals)
Craig steward (harmonica)
A boring old garage in a residential area with a teen-age band
rehearsing in it. joe (the main character in the central
scrutinizer's special presentation) sings to us of the trials
and tribulat
Of garage-band husbandry.
Central scrutinizer：
We take you now, to a garage, in canoga park.
Frank zappa：
(it makes it's own sauce...)
Joe：
It wasn't very large
There was just enough room to cram the drums
In the corner over by the dodge
It was a fifty-four
With a mashed up door
And a cheesy little amp
With a sign on the front said 'fender champ'
And a second hand guitar
It was a stratocaster with a whammy bar
At this point, larry (a guy who will eventually give up music
and earn a respectable living as a roadie for a group called
toad-o) joins in the song...
Larry：
We could jam in joe's garage
His mama was screamin'
His dad was mad
We was playin' the same old song
In the afternoon 'n' sometimes we would
Play it all night long
It was all we knew, 'n' easy too
So we wouldn't get it wrong
All we did was bend the string like...
Hey!
Down in joe's garage
We didn't have no dope or lsd
But a coupla quartsa beer
Would fix it so the intonation
Would not offend yer ear
And the same old chords goin' over 'n' over
Became a symphony
We would play it again 'n' again 'n' again
'cause it sounded good to me
One more time!
We could jam in joe's garage
His mama was screamin',
'turn it down!'
We was playing' the same old song
In the afternoon 'n' sometimes we would
Play it all night long
It was all we knew, and easy too
So we wouldn't get it wrong
Even if you played it on a saxophone
We thought we was pretty good
We talked about keepin' the band together
'n' we figured that we should
'cause about this time we was gettin' the eye
From the girls in the neighborhood
They'd all come over 'n' dance around
Like...
Twenty teen-age girls dash
In and go stomp-clap,
Stomp-clap-clap...
So we picked out a stupid name
Had some cards printed up for a coupla bucks
'n' we was on our way to fame
Got matching suits 'n' beatle boots
'n' a sign on the back of the car
'n' we was ready to work in a go-go bar
One two three four
Let's see if you got some more!
People seemed to like our song
They got up 'n' danced 'n' made a lotta noise
An' it wasn't 'fore very long
A guy from a company we can't name
Said we oughta take his pen
'n' sign on the line for a real good time
But he didn't tell us when
These 'good times' would be somethin'
That was really happenin'
So the band broke up
An' it looks like
We will never play again...
Joe：
Guess you only get one chance in life
To play a song that goes like...
(and, as the band plays their little song,
Mrs. borg (who keeps her son sy,
In the closet with the vacuum cleaner)
Screams out the window...
Mrs. borg：
Turn it down!
Turn it down!
I have children sleeping here...
Don't you boys know any nice songs？
Joe：
(speculating on the future)
Well the years was rollin' by, yeah
Heavy metal 'n' glitter rock
Had caught the public eye, yeah
Snotty boys with lipstick on
Was really flyin' high, yeah
'n' then they got that disco thing
'n' new wave came along
'n' all of a sudden i thought the time
Had come for that old song
We used to play in 'joe's garage'
And if i am not wrong
You will soon be dancin' to...
Central scrutinizer：
The white zone is
For loading and
Unloading only. if you
Gotta load or unload,
Go to the white
Zone. you'll love it...
Joe：
Well the years was rollin' by (etc.)...
Mrs. borg：
I'm calling the police!
I did it! they'll be here...shortly!
Officer butzis：
This is the police...
Mrs. borg：
I'm not joking around anymore
Officer butzis：
We have the garage surrounded
If you give yourself up
We will not harm you
Or hurt you neither
Mrs. borg：
You'll see them
Officer butzis：
This is the police
Mrs. borg：
There they are, they're coming!
Officer butzis：
Give yourself up
We will not harm you
Mrs. borg：
Listen to that mess, would you？
Officer butzis：
This is the police
Give yourself up
We have the garage surrounded
Mrs. borg：
Everday this goes on around here!
Officer butzis：
We will not harm you, or maim you
(swat team 4, move in!)
Mrs. borg：
He used cut my grass...
He was very nice boy...
That's disgusting!!
Central scrutinizer：
This is the central scrutinizer...
That was joe's first confrontation with the law.
Naturally, we were easy on him.
One of our friendly counselors gave him
A do-nut...and told him to
Stick closer to church-oriented social activities.
8.Keep It Greasy
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (lead vocals)
Peter wolf (keyboards)
Arthur barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed mann (percussion)
Vinnie colaiuta (drums)
Eventually father riley b. jones gets around to joe with his
little case of pre-blessed unguents...
Central scrutinizer：
This is the central scrutinizer... poor joe. he's getting tired
from bending over...but we tried to warn him...didn't we？ okay,
joe...you asked for it...here comes the big one...
Joe： (anointing himself as he sings)
Keep it greasey
So it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey
So it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey
So it'll go down easy
Manx：
Roll it over 'n
Grease it down
I'll drive you through
The heart of town
Joe：
Keep it greasey
So it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey
So it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey
So it'll go down easy
Manx：
Roll it over 'n
Grease it down
I'll drive you through
The heart of town
Joe (who is still wearing his housewife costume from when he
first picked up sy borg in the closet) adjusts his little apron
to a more advantageous position and sings...
Joe：
Hey, the good women,
They sure has it tough
The good men, well
There ain't enough
All the good girls are
Lookin' all the time
Good men is
Something that
They can't find
'cause if they
Find one miraculously
They try to be lovin'
As they can be
If they find
One and let him go
Chances are they
Might not never find
One no mo'
Keep it greasey
So it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey
So it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey
So it'll go down easy
Manx：
Roll it over 'n
Grease it down
I'll drive you through
The heart of town
Joe：
A good lovin' man
Is hardest to find
A good woman needs
To ease her mind
And i know a few that
Need to ease it behind
All y'gotta do is
Grease it down
'n everything is fine
Keep it greasey
So it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey
So it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey
So it'll go down easy
Manx：
Roll it over 'n grease
It down
I'll drive you through
The heart of town
Joe：
A girl don't need
No fancy grease
To get herself
Some rump release
Any kind
Of lube'll do
Maybe from another
Part of you
Lube from the north
Lube from the south
Take a little slobber
From the side of
Your mouth
From your mouth
From your mouth
From your mouth
From your mouth
Roll it over
Grease it down
Here come that crazy
Screamin' sound...
Keep it greasey
So it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey
So it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey
So it'll go down easy
Roll it over 'n grease it
Down, down, down
Grease it down...
Oh no! here comes
That screamin' sound
Again...
And sure enough the walls of the prison did rever- berate with
all sorts of screamin' sounds as lawyers and execs and promo
per- sonages all decide to jump on joe for a spectacular high
speed ga
Ng leading to...
9.Lucille Has Messed My Mind Up
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (lead vocals)
Peter wolf (keyboards)
Tommy mars (keyboards)
Arthur barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed mann (percussion)
Vinnie colaiuta (drums)
Jeff (tenor saxophone)
Marginal chagrin (baritone saxophone)
Stumuk (bass saxophone)
Dale bozzio (vocals)
Al malkin (vocals)
Craig steward (harmonica)
Joe is so disoriented by his disease, he goes in the other room
and plays the title cut from an old jeff simmons album, and
sings along with it.
Joe：
Lucille
Has messed my mind up
But i still love her
Oh i still love her
Lucille
Has messed my mind up
But i still love her
Oh i still love her
Lucille
Has messed my mind up
But i still need her
You know i need her
Whatcha tryna doota me
Lucille？
Whatcha tryna doota me
Lucille？
Whatcha tryna doota me
Lucille？
You got me goin' outa my mind
Lucille
Has tore my heart up
But i still love her
I really love her
Lucille
Has tore my heart up
But i still need her
You know i need her
She treats me like my heart
Is made of stone
She runs around
And leaves me home
All alone
She doesn't answer
When i call her on the phone
She messed up my mind
I'm crying alla the time
Lucille
Has messed my mind up (etc., etc., etc.)
Central scrutinizer：
This is the central scrutinizer...again, hi!...it's me again,
the central scrutinizer...joe says lucille has messed his mind
up, but, was it the girl or was it the music？ as you can
see...girls,
C, disease, heartbreak...they all go together...joe found out
the hard way, but his troubles were just beginning...his mind
was so messed up...he could hardly do nothin'...he was in a
quandary..
G devoured by the swirling cesspool of his own steaming
desires...the guy was a wreck...so...what does he do？ for once,
he does something smart...he goes out...and pays a lot of money
to l. ron
R... at the first church of appliantology!
10.On The Bus
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (lead vocals)
Peter wolf (keyboards)
Tommy mars (keyboards)
Arthur barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed mann (percussion)
Vinnie colaiuta (drums)
Jeff (tenor saxophone)
Marginal chagrin (baritone saxophone)
Stumuk (bass saxophone)
Dale bozzio (vocals)
Al malkin (vocals)
Craig steward (harmonica)
Whereupon the house combo at the brasserie drifts into a
modified version of one of toad-o's big hit numbers buddy jones
stares longingly at the little nozzles pooching out of mary's
moistened u
Clothing, but it's too late...warren, one of the other guys from
joe's garage band has already recognized her (he's now one of
the foremost disco-fusion rhythm guitar players on the wet
t-shirt
It, currently providing exciting strummery here in miami), and
is in the process of getting the details of her life on the bus
with larry and the other jolly road crew lads. he eventually
sends
Letter with this information in it...
Central scrutinizer：
This is the central scrutinizer...meanwhile, joe hears about
mary's naughty exploits. he falls in with a fast crowd and gets
seduced by a girl who works at the jack-in-the-box, named
lucille, wh
Es him an unpronounceable disease...
11.Outside Now
Frank zappa (lead guitar)
Ike willis (guitar, vocals)
Ray white (guitar, vocals)
Bobby martin (keyboards, saxophone, vocals)
Alan zavod (keyboards)
Scott thunes (bass)
Chad wackerman (drums)
These executives have plooked the fuck out of me
And there's still a long time to go before i've
Paid my debt to society.
And all i ever really wanted to do was
Play the guitar n bend the string
Like： reent-toont-teent-toont-teenooneenoonee
I've got it
I'll be sullen and withdrawn -
I'll dwindle off into the twilight realm
Of my own secret thoughts!
I'll lay on my back here til dawn
In a semi-catatonic state
And dream of guitar notes
That would irritate
An executive kinda guy . . .
Well, i guess that one did the trick
If they only coulda heard it,
Half-a-dozen of em woulda strangled
While they was suckin on each others dick!
Yeah but that was only a bunch of imaginary
Notes i played -
Just a little extra somethin'
To keep me goin' from day to day,
But thats okay -
I'm gettin' outta here pretty soon -
Then i wont have to live
In this ugly fuckin room
I can't wait to see what its like
On the outside now . . .
And i can't wait to see what its like
On the outside now . . .
Now listen here
I can't wait to see what its like
On the outside now . . .
I mean it
I can't wait to see what its like
On the outside now . . .
Outside now
Outside now, yeah
(etc., etc., etc.)
One-two-three-four!
12.Packard Goose
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (lead vocals)
Peter wolf (keyboards)
Arthur barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed mann (percussion)
Vinnie colaiuta (drums)
Joe： (clutching the hood ornament of an ancient car)
Maybe you thought i
Was the packard goose
Or the ronald
Macdonald of the
Nouveau-abstruse
Well fuck all them
People, i don't
Need no excuse
For being what i am
Do you hear me, then？
All them rock 'n roll
Writers is the worst
Kind of sleaze
Selling punk like
Some new kind of
English disease
Is that the wave
Of the future？
Aw, spare me please!
Oh no, you gotta go
Who do you write for？
I wanna know
I believe you is the
Government's whore
And keeping peoples
Dumb is where you're
Coming from
And keeping peoples
Dumb is where you're
Coming from
Fuck all them writers
With the pen in
Their hand
I will be more
Specific so they
Might understand
They can all
Kiss my ass
But because it's
So grand
They'd best just
Stay away
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, joe, who
Did you blow？
Moe pushed
The button boy
And you went
To the show
Better suck a little
Harder or the shekels
Won't flow
And i don't mean
Your thumb
So on your knees
You bum
Just tell yourself
It's yum
And suck it 'till
You're numb
Journalism's
Kinda scary
And of it
We should be wary
Wonder what became
Of mary？
And no sooner has he wondered, a vision of mary appears to him,
delivering a little lecture...
Voice of mary's vision：
Hi! it's me...
The girl from the bus...
Remember？
The last tour？
Well...
Information is
Not knowledge
Knowledge is
Not wisdom
Wisdom is not truth
Truth is not beauty
Beauty is not love
Love is not music
Music is the best...
Wisdom is the domain
Of the wis
(which is extinct).
Beauty is a french
Phonetic corruption
Of a short cloth
Neck ornament
Currently in
Resurgence...
And no sooner has she spoken (which is awkward and probably
incorrect but what the fuck), enormous flabby short cloth neck
ornaments obscure the horizon in a multitude, beating their ugly
wings
Orking their hidden chrome snap attachments as they resurge in
the direction of the white zone seeking snack material near the
utensil shrines of greater america...
Joe：
If you're in the
Audience and like
What we do
Well, we want you
To know that we
Like you all too
But as for the
Sucker who will
Write the review
If his mind
Is prehensile
(his mind
Is prehensile)
He'll put down
His pencil
(he'll put down
His pencil)
And have
Himself a squat
On the cosmic utensil
(cosmic utensil)
Go give it all you got
On the cosmic utensil
(cosmic utensil)
Sit 'n spin until you rot
On the cosmic utensil
(cosmic utensil)
He really needs
To squat
On the cosmic utensil
(cosmic utensil
Cosmic utensil)
Now that i got that
Over with
I'll just play my
Imaginary guitar again
Hey...
Soundin' pretty good!
Hey...get down, me...
Boy, what an
Imagination!
Love myself better
Than i love myself...
I think...
What tone!
Sounds like an
Elegant gypsy!
What is that？
Musk？
It's hip!
13.Scrutinizer Postlude
14.Stick It Out
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (lead vocals)
Peter wolf (keyboards)
Arthur barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed mann (percussion)
Vinnie colaiuta (drums)
Joe leaves the first church of appliantology and sets out to try
l. ron's expensive advice
Central scrutinizer：
This is the central scrutinizer... joe has just learned to speak
german now, get this, here's why he did it! he's gonna go to
this club on the other side of town, it's called the closet...
and t
Ot these appliances in there that really go for a guy dressed up
like a housewife who can speak german (you know what i mean)...
so joe's learned how to speak german, he goes into this place
and
Ees these little kitchen machineries dancing around with each
other, and he sees this one...that looks like ah, it's a cross
between an industrial vacuum cleaner and a chrome piggy bank
with mar
Aids stuck all over its body...it's really exciting...and when
he sees it, he bursts into song...
Joe：
Fick mich, du
Miserabler hurensohn
Du miserabler hurensohn
Fick mich, du
Miserabler hurensohn
Streck ihn aus
Streck aus deinen
Heissen gelockten
Streck ihn aus
Streck aus deinen
Heissen gelockten
Streck ihn aus
Streck aus deinen
Heissen gelockten
Schwanz
Ah-ee-ahee-ahhhhh!
Mach es sehr schnell
Rein und raus
Magisches schwein
Mach es sehr schnell
Rein und raus
Magisches schwein
Bis es spritzt, spritzt,
Spritzt, spritzt
Feuer!
Bis es spritzt, spritzt,
Spritzt, spritzt
Feuer!
Aber beklecker nicht
Das sofa, sofa!
Aber beklecker nicht
Das sofa, sofa!
Aber beklecker nicht
Das sofa, sofa!
Aber beklecker nicht
Das sofa, sofa!
Stunned by joe's command of it's native tongue, a gleaming model
xqj-37 nuclear powered pan-sexual roto-plooker named sy borg
(previously thought to be the son of the lady who called the
police
T two, side i), spindles over to joe and says...
Sy borg：
Pick me...i'm clean...
I am also programmed
For conversational
English.
This stuns joe, who stands there speechless for a moment.
smitten by joe's animal magnetism, sy continues...
Sy borg：
May i have
This dance？
And joe, looking sharp in his housewife costume with the napkin
on his head and the yellow chiffon apron, responds boldly by
repeat- ing the entreaty originally delivered in deutsch in its
conve
Onal english form, so that his intentions re- garding the
appliance will be made perfectly clear...
Joe：
I've got a better idea...
Fuck me, you ugly son
Of a bitch
You ugly son of a bitch
Fuck me, you ugly son
Of a bitch
Stick it out
Stick out yer
Hot curly weenie
Stick it out
Stick out yer
Hot curly weenie
Stick it out
Stick out yer
Hot curly weenie
Weenie...weenie,
Weenie, weenie!
Make it go fast
In and out,
(in and out)
Magical pig
Make it go fast
In and out,
(in and out)
Magical pig
Till it squirts, squirts,
Squirts, squirts
Fire
Till it squirts, squirts,
Squirts, squirts
Fire
Don't get no jizz
Upon that sofa, sofa
Don't get no jizz
Upon that sofa, sofa
Don't get no jizz
Upon that sofa, sofa
Don't get no jizz
Upon that sofa, sofa
Whereupon, in order to
Prove to joe that he is
No ordinary appliance, sy
Quotes a few lines of
Traditional american love
Poetry...
Sy borg：
What's a girl like you
Doing in a place
Like this？
Do you come
Here often？
Wait a minute...
I've got it...
You're an italian...
What？ you're jewish？
Love your nails...
You must be a libra...
Your place or mine？
Your place or mine？
Your place or mine？
Your place or mine？
See the chrome
Feel the chrome
Touch the chrome
Heal the chrome
See the screaming
Hot black steaming
Iridescent naugahyde
Python screaming
Steam roller!
15.Sy Borg
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (lead vocals)
Peter wolf (keyboards)
Arthur barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed mann (percussion)
Vinnie colaiuta (drums)
Central scrutinizer：
This is the central scrutinizer... joe and his date are going
back to the apartment to have a little party...
Joe：
Sy borg
Gimme dat,
Gimme dat
Sy borg
Gimme dat, give me
De chromium leg,
I beg
Sy borg
Gimme dat,
Gimme dat
Sy borg
Gimme dat, give me
De chromium leg,
Little wires,
Pliers, tires
They turn me on
Maybe i'm crazy
Maybe i'm crazy
Maybe i'm crazy,
Mon...
Stroking several of sy's gleaming appendages, joe continues...
Gee, sy
This is a real groovy
Apartment
You've got here
Sy borg：
All government
Sponsored recreational
Services are clean and
Efficient
Joe：
This is exciting
I never plooked
A tiny chrome-plated
Machine
That looks like a
Magical pig
With marital aids
Stuck all over it
Such as yourself
Before
Sy borg：
You'll love it!
It's a way of life.
Joe：
Does that mean
Maybe later
You'll plook me...
Sy borg：
If you wish, we may
Have a groovy orgy
Joe：
Just me and you？
Sy borg：
I share this apartment
With a modified
Gay bob doll
He goes all the way...
Ever try oral sex with
A miniature rubberized
Homo-replica？
Joe：
No, ah, not yet,
Ah, is this him？
Sy borg：
This is him.
Your wish is
His command
He likes you
He wants to kiss
You always
Just tell him what
You want
Joe：
Really？
Hi, little guy
Think i might get a
Tiny, but exciting
Blow...job...
Gimme dat,
Gimme dat
Blow job...
Gimme dat, give me
De chromium cob.
Sy borg：
Bend over.
Joe：
Gay bob
Blow job
Gimme dat,
Gimme dat
Blow job
Gimme dat, give me
De chromium cob
Sy borg：
You'll love it!
It looks just like a
Telefunken u-47.
Joe：
Little leather cap
And trousers
They look so gay..
Warren just bought some
Warren just bought some
Warren just bought some
Hey...
Sy borg：
Bob is tired.
Plook me now,
You savage rascal
Ehhh! that tickles.
You are a fun person
I like you.
I want to kiss
You always.
Joe：
Gee, this is great
How's about some
Bondage and
Humiliation
Sy borg：
Anything you say,
Master.
Joe：
Oh no, i don't believe
It
You're way more fun
Than mary...
Sy borg：
You're plooking
Too hard...
Joe：
And cleaner than
Lucille...
Sy borg：
Plooking on me...
Joe：
What have i
Been missing
All these years？
Sy borg：
Too hard
Joe：
Sy...
Sy borg：
Too hard
Joe：
Sy...
Sy borg：
Plooking too hard
On me-e-e-e-e...
Joe：
Speak to me
Oh no...
The golden shower
Must have shorted out
His master circuit
He's, he's, oh my god
I must have
Plooked him...
Hey
To death...
Hey
Central scrutinizer：
This is the central scrutinizer... you have just destroyed one
model xqj-37 nuclear powered pan- sexual roto-plooker and you're
gonna have to pay for it! so give up, you haven't got a chance.
Joe：
But i...
I, i, i, i, i...
I can't pay
I gave all my money
To some kinda groovy
Religious guy...
Two songs ago...
Central scrutinizer：
Come on out son...
Between the two of us
We'll find a way to
Work it out
16.The Central Scrutinizer
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (lead vocals)
Peter wolf (keyboards)
Tommy mars (keyboards)
Arthur barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed mann (percussion)
Vinnie colaiuta (drums)
Jeff (tenor saxophone)
Marginal chagrin (baritone saxophone)
Stumuk (bass saxophone)
Dale bozzio (vocals)
Al malkin (vocals)
Craig steward (harmonica)
Sometimes when you're not looking he just sneaks up on you. he
looks like a cheap sort of flying saucer about five feet across
with a snout-like megaphone apparatus in the front with two big
eye
Nted like appletons with miniature motorized frowning chrome
eyebrows over them. along the side of his disc-like body are
several sets of stupid-looking headers and exhaust hoses which
apparentl
Pel him and punctuate his dialogue with horrible smelling smoke
rings. in the middle of his head we can see an airport wind sock
and constantly twirling anemometer. the bottom of him has a
landi
Ght and three spoked wheels. in spite of all this, it is obvious
that the way he really gets around is by being dangled from
place to place by a union guy with a dark green shirt up in the
roof
S eating a sandwich (pieces of which drop off every once in a
while and lodge themselves near the hole where they put the oil
in that makes the cheap smoke).
He hovers into view and speaks to us thusly...
Central scrutinizer：
This is the central scrutinizer...it is my responsibility to
enforce all the laws that haven't been passed yet. it is also my
responsibility to alert each and every one of you to the
potential c
Uences of various ordinary everyday activities you might be
performing which could eventually lead to ＊the death penalty＊
(or affect your parents' credit rating). our criminal
institutions are f
F little creeps like you who do wrong things...and many of them
were driven to these crimes by a horrible force called music!
Our studies have shown that this horrible force is so dangerous
to society at large that laws are being drawn up at this very
moment to stop it forever! cruel and inhuman punishments are
being c
Lly described in tiny paragraphs so they won't conflict with the
constitution (which, itself, is being modified in order to
accommodate the future).
I bring you now a special presentation to show what can happen
to you if you choose a career in music...the white zone is for
loading and unloading only...if you have to load or unload, go
to th
Te zone... you'll love it...it's a way of life...ha, ha, ha, ha,
ha...hi, it's me, i'm back. this is the central
scrutinizer...the white zone is for loading and unloading
only...if yah gotta loa
If yah gotta unload, go to the white zone. you'll love it...it's
a way of life. that's right, you'll love it, it's a way of life,
that's right, you'll love it, it's a way of life, you'll love i
Is, is, the central scrutinizer!
17.Watermelon In Easter Hay
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (lead vocals)
Peter wolf (keyboards)
Arthur barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed mann (percussion)
Vinnie colaiuta (drums)
Central scrutinizer：
This is the central scrutinizer...joe has just worked himself
into an imaginary frenzy during the fade- out of his imaginary
song...he begins to feel depressed now. he knows the end is
near. he
Ealized at last that imaginary guitar notes and imaginary vocals
exist only in the imagination of the imaginer...and...
ultimately, who gives a fuck anyway...so...so... excuse
me...so...who give
Uck anyway？ so he goes back to his ugly little room and quietly
dreams his last imaginary guitar solo...
(after the song ends)
This is the central scrutinizer...as you can see, music can get
you pretty fucked up...take a tip from joe, do like he did, hock
your imaginary guitar and get a good job...joe did, and he's a
ha
Uy now, on the day shift at the utility muffin research kitchen,
arrogantly twisting the sterile canvas snoot of a fully-charged
icing anointment utensil. and every time a nice little muffin
com
On the belt, he poots forth...
And if this doesn't convince you that music causes big
trouble...then maybe i should turn off my plastic megaphone and
sing the last song on the album in my regular voice...
18.Wet T-shirt Nite
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (lead vocals)
Peter wolf (keyboards)
Tommy mars (keyboards)
Arthur barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed mann (percussion)
Vinnie colaiuta (drums)
Jeff (tenor saxophone)
Marginal chagrin (baritone saxophone)
Stumuk (bass saxophone)
Dale bozzio (vocals)
Al malkin (vocals)
Craig steward (harmonica)
After a few weeks on the bus, being porked by toad-o's road
crew, and being too exhausted to do their laundry on a regular
basis, mary is dumped in miami. with no money (and no other
famous rock
Ps due into the area for at least three weeks), she tries to
pick up a few bucks by entering the wet t-shirt contest at the
brasserie...
Ike：
Looks to me like something funny is going on around here people
laughin' 'n' dancin' 'n' payin' entirely too much for their beer
and they all think they are clean outa-site and they're ready to
'cause the sign outside says it's wet t-shirt nite 'n' they all
crave some hot delight well the girls are excited because in a
minute they're gonna get wet 'n' the boys are delighted because
al
Titties will get 'em upset 'n' they all think they are
reety-awright 'n' they're ready to boogie 'cause the sign
outside says it's wet t-shirt nite 'n' they all crave some pink
delight when the
R gets on 'em their ninnies get rigid 'n' look pretty bold it's
a common reaction that makes an attraction whenever it's cold
'n' all of the fellas they wish they could bite on the cute
little n
S the local girls are showin' off tonite you know i think it
serves 'em right you know i think it serves 'em right you know i
think it serves 'em right you know i think it serves 'em right
and i
Et t-shirt time again i know
You want someone to show you some tit! big ones! wet ones! big
wet ones!
At this point, father riley (who had been recently de-frocked
for not meeting his quota, and has grown his hair out and bought
a groovy sport coat and moved to miami and changed his name to
budd
Es) steps onto the crowded bandstand in his exciting new role as
a wet t-shirt contest emcee...
Buddy jones：
Ah, thanks, ike... yes, it's wet t-shirt time again here at the
brasserie... home of the tits...huh huh... and it's the charming
mary from canoga park up next in her bid for the semi-finals...
h
Ry...howya doin'？
Having been fucked senseless by the boys in the crew, mary does
not recognize the former religious personage from her nights in
the rectory basement during which she acquired her basic manual
sk
..confounded by his sport coat, she replies...
Mary：
Hi!
Realizing that she no longer recognizes him...or even
appreciates the patient religious training he had given her in
the past, buddy jones, like a true wet t-shirt emcee type
person, proceeds to
Various stupid things to waste time, making the contest itself
take longer, thereby giving the mongoloids squatting on the
dance floor an opportunity to buy more exciting
beverages...liquid prod
That will expand their consciousnesses to the point whereby they
might more fully enjoy the ambiance of miami by night...
Buddy jones：
Where ya from？
Mary：
Ah, the bus...
Buddy jones：
Which one？
Mary：
You know...the last tour... you know...leather
Buddy jones：
Oh...you were the girl stuck to seat 38 phydeaux iii... why
don't you get in position and take a deep breath, because this
water is very, very cold, but it's goin' to be so stimulating.
and mary
E kind of red- blooded american girl who'll do anything...
Mary：
Anything...
Buddy jones：
I said anything...for fifty bucks that's right!
Mary：
I really need the fifty bucks you know i gotta get home!
Buddy jones：
Yeh, i know, your father is waiting for you in the tool
shed...that's right, you heard right...our big prize tonite is
fifty american dollars to the girl with the most exciting
mammalian protube
S...
Mary：
Here i am!
Buddy jones：
...as viewed through a thoroughly soaked, stupid looking white
sort of male person's conservative kind of middle-of-the-road
cotton undergarment! whoopee! and here comes the water!
Mary：
Eeek!
Buddy jones：
No, you'd squeak more if the water got on you...sounds like you
just got an ice pick in the forehead...and here comes the ice
pick in the forehead ...a million laughs, mary! anyway; good
golly,
A mess...she's totally soaked...yeh, totally committed to the
fifty bucks...that's it just step into the spotlight...let the
guys get a good look at ya honey!
Mary：
Here i am!
Buddy jones：
Whaddya say, fellas？ nice setta jugs？ now mary, how's about
shakin' it around a little...
Mary：
Ooooh!
Buddy jones：
Oh my goodness, look at her go!
Mary：
Oooh! i'm dancing! i'm dancing!
Buddy jones：
Ain't this what living is really all about! here's your fifty
bucks mary...
Mary：
Oh great! now i can go home!
Buddy jones：
Home is where the heart is.
Mary：
On the bus.
19.Why Does It Hurt When I Pee？
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (lead vocals)
Peter wolf (keyboards)
Tommy mars (keyboards)
Arthur barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed mann (percussion)
Vinnie colaiuta (drums)
Jeff (tenor saxophone)
Marginal chagrin (baritone saxophone)
Stumuk (bass saxophone)
Dale bozzio (vocals)
Al malkin (vocals)
Craig steward (harmonica)
Shortly after his liaison with the taco stand lady, joe makes a
horrible discovery...
Joe：
Why does it hurt when i pee？
Why does it hurt when i pee？
I don't want no doctor
To stick no needle in me
Why does it hurt when i pee？
I got it from the toilet seat
I got it from the toilet seat
It jumped right up
'n' grabbed my meat
Got it from the toilet seat
My balls feel like a pair of maracas
My balls feel like a pair of maracas
Oh god i probably got the
Gon-o-ka-ka-khackus!
My balls feel like a pair of maracas
Ai-ee-ai-ee-ahhhh!
Why does it
Why does it
Why does it
Why does it hurt...when i
Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee？
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